I May Be Delusional

Ok so I have been a bit busy so I have neglected my blog.  I know...the horror!  Just have been busy working my businesses, fighting with my teenager and more!  I am so thankful for my THRIVE keeping my energy up because I easily could have crawled into my depression shell the last few days.

Now I get to the topic of this blog.  My boyfriend has been married twice already.  The first time was for I think 15 years and the last was not long and was a rushed thing.  The first one ended badly for sure and the second one was a mutual decision but still he has two failed marriages.  I love this man with all my heart and I am thankful for him every day.  We have NEVER fought in the 16 months we have been together.  We just get along great and are truly best friends which is what I had always prayed for.  He is a total smart ass but in a good and funny way.  If he is not being one of those I tend to think he is sick or extremely tired.  Well lately I keep finding myself thinking about marriage and looking at engagement rings and thinking of where we could get married.  I am pretty sure I am delusional because I really don't think he has any desire to get married again.  Sometimes when things go wrong in marriages we just lose our faith in them.  I get that.  I have been there off and on in the 12 years since my marriage ended.  I guess with him I just know that he is who I want to be with forever.  I want to carry his name proudly and wear his ring proudly and all of that jazz!  I am totally sentimental about it.  My first proposal he really did not even say anything to me.  At the advice of his aunt he put the ring on a beer can in the refrigerator.  Never even actually proposed after that.  I look back now and figure that may have been my sign he really did not want to marry me but anyway...

The other night I was looking at rings and just dreaming like a lunatic.  I bring it up now and then but I am just pretty sure he has no interest in that any time soon.  I am fine with it in that it is not a deal breaker but the dreamer and sentimental part of me wants that to happen because I just I just KNOW he is it for me.  I am afraid I guess that he is not sure of that like I am.  I know I should just be happy with what I have and believe me I am but I cannot help feeling and wanting what I feel and want.  I get angry at his exes for making him feel like he may not ever want that again because they made bad choices.